Monday, April 12, 2010

A paragraph from my draft, Essay # 1

Below i have my whole Introduction paragrapgh and at the end of it i have mentioned what i believe are my strengths and weaknesses and how i can improve or make more striking my introduction.

For the majority of companies, a well defined vision and mission is crucial for a future profitability success. The issue that concerns the most is the idea of maximizing a company’s profit regardless any moral or ethical consideration. Wal-Mart Company has become one of the most powerful retailers and private employers in The United States. Many disputes have emerged from the media causing controversy in the American society, in a specific field, Wal-Mart’s Customers or potential targets. Some people say that Wal-Mart is a company that has always been careless about its employee’s rights; with facts some support what they say. For example, Wal-Mart employees are forced to sign a pre employment agreement as a condition of accepting a job. This agreement requires employees to give up many rights as to bring a lawsuit against the employer for anything wrong done to the employee by the employer. It is a legal and an ingenious way to prevent a company in this case Wal-Mart, from any situation that can lead to a lawsuit. However, from my personal opinion, looking at it from a moral perspective not a right decision to be taken. On the other hand, some people say that Wal-Mart has become more than a convenient retailer super store for its consumers, with such “everyday low prices”, has also provided citizens with more employment opportunities. From my perspective, this debate has an end and the simplest words with true facts will determine the American society attitude toward Wal-Mart Inc.



Strengths: I believe i did well in the sense that i mentioned that some people have taken a position toward either support or make critics against Wal-Mart. The reader understands from the paragraph that there is a debate taking place, im letting the audience know my position toward the topic and letting inferred with a general idea how can i support it.

Weaknesses: I think that i have to be more direct in my thesis, mentioning an argument toward the current issue could be a good idea. My thesis is not clear i thought i could let it open so the reader could have a little idea of what was coming next, i was trying to let the reader speculate within the topic what were my arguments , however, i believe its too general, so, that is not clear. I also did not mentioned where i got some information from, i need to write the source from where the fact is coming.

1 comment:

  1. Hi - I agree about the thesis: look at that last sentence: what do you mean by, 'this debate has an end?'

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